Hostess : The Return of the Twinkie

Because I work in food distribution, I get the jump on some news that other people do not. Call it insider information, or maybe it really isn’t, since I have not actually watched a news program in years. My main source of current events being the Yahoo! News homepage, and my Twitter and Facebook feeds, it is safe to say that there are many things (mostly involving the weather) that I am totally oblivious to. As a kid, I enjoyed catching the news in the summer three times daily: at noon with my favorite anchor Dick Hoxworth, at 5:30 with whatever backup anchors were in for the night, and then again at 6 with Ron Martin and Kim Lemon. But, as an old man now, newspapers and TV channels cost money, so I try and stay as basic as possible when it comes to current events.

That being said, on our company’s portal homepage, it was announced two days ago that Hostess Brands LLC has emerged from bankruptcy with buyers for most of its former products, and that on July 15th (Monday), some of these products will be available to buy again. As far as the grocery stores we distribute along the East Coast, we will carry most of the 23 available products which include but are not limited to; Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho Ho’s, Suzy Q, Snowballs, Donut Gems, and Zingers. Rejoice America, you can return to instant sugar highs and fat consumption. Somewhere, Tallahassee is rejoicing.

Thanks to Apollo Global Management and C. Dean Metropoulos and Company, for $410 million they purchased Dolly Madison and the Hostess brand. Unfortunately, if you were a fan of Drake’s snack cakes, (Devil Dogs being their staple) they were bought out by competitor Little Debbie and won’t be appearing with the Hostess reboot. About half of the rights to the Hostess brands are still unsold, with the more popular ones such as Wonder Bread being snapped up.

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To be honest though, apologies to Tallahassee, Twinkies really aren’t that good. The only time I could think of when I would actually buy Twinkies is perfectly portrayed in the movie (500) Days of Summer. While going through a horrible breakup and sleeping through work and basically life, Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character goes to the convenience store in his pajamas, picks up a handle of whiskey, and throws a handful of Twinkies on the counter to go with his purchase. They’re pretty much the garbage compliment to firewater, and that’s the only time I would eat them. If anyone actually made money off some of those eBay sales when Hostess initially declared bankruptcy, they are looking smarter with each passing day.

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